3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
