I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
