I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
