I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
