i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
