ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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