He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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