Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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