woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
