is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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