I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drake has all the answers
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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