I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
what is it with giant penises always finding me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
