Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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