im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
