ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
