your parents love me but you hate me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
