So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
