So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
