So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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