Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
