so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
