these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
