Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
