i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
