2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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