Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
