i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
