whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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