You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
vagina is talking i cant
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
