look no pants
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
