Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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