hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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