Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
