At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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