Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
