You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
