You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
