I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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