I am puke
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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