im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
