dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
