If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
