oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
