if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
