Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
