smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
