I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
