I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
