around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
