The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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