1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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