I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Found your dick twin last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
