16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
