whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
